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One Person's Complete Life Purpose Exploration This is the record of one person's exploration during the Life Purpose Internet Class. Here he is responding to various questions and exercises that were given during the class. It shows the complete Life Purpose process. Biographical Background A post-war product, I appeared in 1949 in Oakland. I was raised with my younger brother on the Monterey Peninsula, where we played along its fog-bound shore and in its pine forests before they were replaced with golf courses and exclusive homes. We were fortunate to be raised mostly by a mother gifted in the art (and in art itself). Our father, impregnable in sense of duty, honor, and that he was below his station, taught us in his own style that was well intended, yet difficult to embrace. Through the years since I’ve slowly been finding my own path. In loose form, my history includes backpack trips first in the Santa Lucia area of the coast range near my boyhood home, then the glorious Sierra Nevada. This range, so well described by John Muir, remains a touchstone for my existence, even though I’ve not spent much time there during the last 15 years. I enjoyed my early summer trips so much that I dabbled in mountaineering, and led three increasingly challenging ski trips across the range in winter. My father’s direction and aptitude for science led first to a civil engineering degree at Berkeley, and later, after I became disillusioned with the generally destructive role engineers are given in today’s industrial society, inner guidance led me to an MS in human ecology. My “career path” began, thanks to a low draft number, with the only job that really suited me a naval officer with license to empower and support groups of men engaged with overseas construction projects. For moral reasons I went ashore upon completing the requisite tour of duty, and took the totally depressing job as a water resources engineer, while otherwise learning about environmental justice issues, and going to the mountains whenever possible. I later ran a recycling center, directed a residential energy efficiency project, failed in the attempt to start an animal waste management enterprise, created large comprehensive energy efficiency projects, helped start the first organic creamery in the western US, and now create municipal water efficiency policy programs and provide pro bono technical assistance to sustainability groups. In short, this is a path that always seems to take the road less traveled when coming to a decision point. This is increasingly creative, lonely, rewarding, and financially challenging. This trial-and-error method also gives rise to the perennial questions of meaning and purpose. I enroll in this class to gain a fresh perspective on these issues, and hopefully more clarity, resolve, and ability to understand and address blockages. I notice fear becoming a larger part of my decision process, and with that, confusion and loss of sense of direction/desire. I believe I have a lot to offer, but unless I gain a clear sense of direction, I’ll fritter away my opportunity for service. I see my entire life slowly coming together into a seamless whole. By this I mean my career, relationships (both intimate and otherwise), education, spiritual development, travel, nutrition, exercise, lifestyle everything slowly becoming more integrated and internally consistent. Things have been going this way at a glacial pace without a consciously selected objective, let alone re-evaluation and course-correction. Preparation Emotional Support - I am fortunate to have several friends who are good listeners and will help with this life purpose project. As my direction becomes clearer, I will need to find additional supporters who will also provide networking help. Financial Support - My general calling seems to be in the area of redesigning natural resource practices to reflect an ecological perspective. After 20-odd years dabbling in the field, I am earning a modest living doing this work (mainly municipal consulting contracts). I expect this will continue to be sufficient to support the on-going work of defining and developing an attractive, meaningful, and eventually thriving practice. Personal Power - I believe I am generally in good shape in this area. Although I have clear weaknesses (inability to ask for money, and a predilection to become pre-occupied with tasks unrelated to the big picture), I have also experienced times of rising above such restrictions when acting in service of objectives larger than my own concerns. For example, I hated selling and could never sell anything, yet once created more than $20 million in energy efficiency contracts for a company because I knew the work was important and needed to be done. If I can create and stick to a big enough vision, I expect the personal power issue will be moot. Talents Creative/artistic - Able to identify systems level points of departure between industrial and ecological worldview (e.g., in resource policy) - Conceived and helped implement idea of transporting a busload of local elected officials and business leaders to a world-class day-long seminar in sustainability: a huge success - Love Italian language and culture (my artistic claim) - Taught Cajun and Zydeco dance because I loved it - Love the combinations of color that appear in nature Intellectual - Pay attention, learn, and think clearly - Practiced analytical skill: able to deduce underlying patterns from data - Consulted for Amory Lovins and made amazing energy efficiency discoveries that his super engineers missed (I looked “outside the box” and got lucky) Interpersonal (what claims can an introvert make?) - I somehow exude integrity, people trust me (without disappointment) - Enjoy expressing appreciation with notes for gracious or creative acts - Laughter is good Business/Organizational (hmmm... not my strong point, but am aware of fundamentals) - Consistently rated in top 1% of peers as a naval officer (due to impassioned leadership more than organizational skill) - Prepare business plans, marketing research, financial pro forma, etc.- Know that working in a business is different than working on a business - Respect the creative side of management (e.g., Peter Senge’s work) - Know enough to seek support in administrative areas. I deeply appreciate those who establish and maintain elegant procedures Physical - Blessed with extraordinary oxygen uptake capacity was a national-class bike racer (road); loved demanding mountainous stage races (now a desk-bound slob) - Love stupendous physical relief in landscape; violence in storms Personal Strengths Diligent, thorough, looks below the surface, tends toward kindness and compassion, trustworthy, refined sense of aesthetics, seeks authenticity in everything, systems thinker, believes being born a human is an incredible gift, given our incomprehensible evolutionary legacy (but often forgets this). I’m imperfect in a zillion other ways too, in case anyone is wondering! An admission to readers who waded through all the above: after writing this summary, I realize I have long been in the change agent ”business,” but have at least one huge inconsistency: I resist changing my own behavior. I find it difficult to shift my practice, at deeper levels, to what I seek to preach. Talents and strengths that are personally fulfilling when engaged in them: Teaching things I am passionate about · Ability to bring out the best in people, and make difficult work enjoyable, with team efforts · Expressing appreciation for creative acts of others, especially things that may go unnoticed · Former talent/strength the bizarre drive to make extraordinary efforts in bicycle races, and always discovering deep fulfillment despite the physical travail Talents and strengths that give me an opportunity to exercise creativity: The above points (it is creativity that seems to make the difference) · Seeing novel solutions to familiar problems (especially resolving physical infrastructure problems in ecologically helpful rather than harmful ways) · Sense of composition in photography Unique combination of talents and strengths: Professional training in both engineering and ecology, ability to communicate with genuine enthusiasm, concern for the underdog, and ability to endure difficult challenges Memories 1. Remember a time when I felt excited and passionate about something I was doing… Two years ago: riding a bus bound from Sonoma County to a national workshop of The Natural Step (a pre-eminent organization founded in Sweden that is focused on sustainability) in San Francisco. The bus is packed with top-level dignitaries from business and government, and the atmosphere is electric. Somehow a friend and I had convinced all those people, most of whom we did not know, and who knew little about sustainability, to take a day out of their busy lives to attend this event. Given the nonstop clamor of excited conversation, we knew at once this was a huge success. The entire group shared an unbelievable rush of energy that continued undiminished throughout the day. Unforgettable. 2. A time when I felt fulfilled by helping, or teaching, or inspiring another person or group of people… Of the six items on today's list, this is the area I'm most familiar with. Inspiration and helping (mainly through personal contact) were the keys to success when leading groups as a naval officer, then later when running an energy conservation company. Teaching entered the picture when I was a dance instructor. As a former dance klutz, I was an unlikely but understanding teacher. It was incredibly satisfying to help uncover this part of life for those I taught. Women could never thank me enough as their men magically found they could move and, amazingly, enjoy it. 3. A time when I felt my creative energy flowing, when my talents were fully engaged, when I tested myself to the utmost in any kind of activity, etc… I had to comb through the memory a bit to remember an example, but here it is. As a young naval officer in Puerto Rico, I was left behind when my construction battalion returned to homeport to shepherd a big load of air cargo that was to follow… a total no-brainer job. And then the word the cargo was significantly overweight, and the plane, already on the tarmac, would not be loaded. This was a big problem with little time to solve and no one to consult. Somehow I wondered where were the cargo pallets weighed? I learned it was at a truck scale in the countryside. I commandeered a truck and driver, found the scale, and discovered it was in terrible condition. What to do? I knew nothing about truck scales, but noticed it recorded weight with nothing on the scale. I piled rocks on the balance mechanism to compensate for the out-of-balance condition so the scale would read zero. But what exactly was the weighing error, and was it linear? Then the next idea military vehicles have a plate that identifies their gross weight. We drove the truck on the scale and found that it read the appropriate weight. I then knocked my "adjustment" rocks off the scale mechanism and read the truck weight again, thereby learning the scale error the factor needed to recalculate the weight of our cargo. The next step was to explain the whole process to the Air Force. They accepted it maybe in part because I was flying with the load and I lived to tell the tale. 4. A time when I was fully involved in something I was doing, when there were no distractions, no doubts when I and the activity were one… This is easy. This describes the feeling I always had when in a bike race with good riders, after I became a good rider. Within a few moments of the start, all chatter in my mind would disappear as I became one with the race. Time stopped, even though the race might last three hours. As a side note, at this point in my racing career I had mastered most of the physical aspects the real race was in the mind. 5. A time when I felt part of something larger than myself, when I was swept up in a mission, or a group, or an idea, or an experience that transcended my local sense of self. When I felt enlarged and enriched by caring about something greater than myself… This describes the way I want to live my life all the time. However, I'm unaware that I have ever fully experienced this. Perhaps something close to this is the experience I'm having now as leader of our Chamber of Commerce's Sustainability Committee (admittedly somewhat of an oxymoron for an American Chamber of Commerce). We seem to have found a wonderful synergy among the core members of the group that might produce unusually effective results in our community. This is hard to say, however, for there are so many veto points for such work. 6. A time when you felt deeply connected, or fully present, or a sense of inner peace, or that life was full of meaning… Well friends, your puritanically raised, engineer-trained scribe turns to a different source to base his response to this query; one he has turned to only once in his life. The occasion was something akin to a vision quest, undertaken with utmost reverence for nature and a desire to investigate connection. While this was not the way I ever expected to find deep connection, what follows was a powerful experience. I walked with a close friend near the end of the summer for a three- day trip to a lake high in the mountains, where the wonderfully fragrant whitebark pines are found. The lake was set in a north- facing cirque, still with some snow: a spectacular setting. On a gorgeous day, with no one about, we sat in a small grove of trees overlooking the lake and wondered what the plants might tell us. Our guide was the dried mushroom, Psilocybe mexicana. Over the next six hours, I noticed so many levels of barriers falling away between me and all that surrounded me. I gradually felt increasingly connected to it all, as intellectual theories about nutrient flow and all the rest became things experienced in my body. I felt I could look back through time through layers of rock in the immense cliffs. I was invited to walk barefoot, to gently meet the trees, examining each needle with an incredible feeling of reverence. Beyond this, I understood at a very deep level that I was welcome in this world, that I was part of it, and that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to do. I was crying and laughing then at the magnitude of deep love I sensed all around me, and the utter absurdity of the human mind trying reduce all this to logical comprehension. I think (!) I can stop here. Activities I enjoy doing... Sort of people I like to be with... Areas of interest... Kind of situations I like... Among the above, activities that can really excite me and stir my
passion... I am inspired to put these ideas we’ve been working on into practice, with the objective of focusing my consulting practice around my emerging life purpose. The vision and mission statements below reflect the first step (I suspect this is headed towards a business plan). Vision Statement Mission Statement Toward a Business Model Values Social Concerns Over my lifetime I have always been concerned about the destruction of nature. I recognized this at first when a meadow we played in was converted to a golf course, then as urbanization, diversion of rivers, and so forth. I now realize that virtually all living systems throughout the planet are in decline. I see these conditions now as symptoms of an underlying worldview that does not respect the sanctity of the whole. The issue that I care most deeply about is therefore a desire to live in a world where humans share, and live in accordance with, a new worldview. One paragraph out of a 15-page document prepared by a 45-person group assembled early this year to create a shared vision of a sustainable US in the year 2100 explains the essence: Humans will re-establish a spiritual connection to nature. Our worldview will no longer divide the planet into humans vs. nature. People will recognize that humans are part of nature, one species among many, and must obey the laws imposed by nature. We will recognize that nature is not something to be subjugated, but instead is something we depend upon absolutely to meet both physical and spiritual needs. We will recognize that natural resources are scarce and must be invested in. Our goal will be to create conditions conducive to life in the broadest sense. The above seems like a bare-bones design constraint, at least in biophysical terms, for the worldview that we must adopt if we are to avoid increasingly dramatic upsets. It is in coming to grips with this that I suspect the real beauty awaits: the challenge is so great that it probably cannot be met unless we collectively make a conscious decision to wake up, to think in terms of the Compassionate Buddha. (Who are you? Buddha: “I am awake.”) Perhaps then I can ride my bike without being pestered by hot-shot young bucks in their huge diesel pickup trucks who fly into a seething rage at the sight of a cyclist! What is really meaningful in life? The feeling of being deeply connected - to other people; to life itself. To create something that feels elegant, whole, and without sharp edges. To act from a place of feeling alive, balanced, centered; in the flow yet steady and quietly aware. What do you find inspiring? The work of Amory Lovins. Ansel Adams’ photographs. The sound of mountain wind through whitebark pines; and the power of enormous storms along the coast. People who radiate kindness, especially when under stress. People with courage to speak the truth, and skill to do so without posing the enemy. General direction of my life purpose - As I’ve indicated before, my life purpose is to assist with the adoption of natural resource practices that are so transformational that total consumption will begin to decline. I am beginning to believe that the unique combination of skills I bring are technical expertise and ability to teach. I didn’t know about the latter, but have been told many times by those skilled in the art that I should be a teacher. I might get a chance to try this - I was just told this week that I was the successful bidder (and only one, it turns out) for a small project to guide County officials in structuring a greenhouse gas emissions reduction project. Of course I have three other projects at the same time.... One concern I have about my work in this area is my discovery that while I have a sense of direction, I do not know how to get “there.” My process for determining next steps is a contemplative one, and an unpredictable amount of time is required for me to chew on issues before a possible solution appears (often involving a concept never proposed before, or an existing procedure with a new twist). This frustrates others, who expect answers immediately, whether well thought through or not. I am a contemplative in a culture of Now. My attention seems to rest on means rather than ends. I am frustrated though, for I feel like being in a muddle most of the time, interspersed with brief flashes of insight. Questions to Reflect On You are reminiscing and reviewing your life in which you fully actualized your life’s deepest purpose. As you look back, what has been most important? What has felt most meaningful to you? Most important in my life was that I paid attention to the cognitive
dissonance I felt while moving through life. Although I never made
dramatic life changes, I was always obsessed with the need to do something to
counter the accelerating degradation of nature - a cultural tide that I knew had
to be induced to reverse its flow. Consequently, I never accepted the
“easy” path that was open to me by birth and education, and throughout life
continuously made decisions that gradually led to the place where I was finally
able to make contributions of tangible value. In fact I had no choice
along the way - even though I did not know precisely what to do for nearly 30
years, there was always a subtle yet unrelenting force that directed me toward
terra incognita. Most meaningful for me was as my purpose came into focus,
I was able to remember how long it took for me to grow out of one paradigm and
into another, and how confusing was the journey. By holding this in mind,
and while seeing part of reality clearly through a new lens, I was able to
become an approachable, effective, and increasingly trusted guide for others
ready to make the journey. If you died tomorrow, what would be lost to the world? What valuable contribution wouldn’t be made? I am led to believe that I am a community resource about ecological sustainability. I do not have all the answers, but am probably respected for understanding the basic science behind many questions, and suggesting how to search for answers in an open and empowering manner. As one who tends to do many things for free, especially when someone with the energy to accomplish something might be able to do so with a little support, whatever those contributions are might languish or temporarily go in an inappropriate direction without my help. General Direction Work at the interface between public policy and private behavior to help create transformational approaches to natural resource use that, where applied, will reduce human demand upon nature. Specific Career Ideas (brainstorming): 1. Consult with public agencies to expand water efficiency programs into multi resource efficiency programs (for example, replicate the program I am developing for Petaluma elsewhere; and perhaps offer an expanding package of services to assist implementation). 2. Consult with public agencies to create greenhouse gas emission reduction programs 3. Consult with non governmental organizations to recast campaigns against environmental destruction into campaigns to restore natural and social capital (e.g., work with river protection organizations) 4. Consult with government planning agencies to change from a role of defining where and how fast destruction will occur to means for orchestrating restoration (simply by changing the rules). 5. Consult with private developers (or their trade associations) to get ahead of the inevitable tightening of regulations by setting higher standards for their own practices to take the high road and get ahead of their competitors (a “first-mover advantage”). 6. Organize the private delivery of resource efficiency services and sell saved resources to authorities for less than the cost of supplying the same services from nature (e.g., install water saving devices that save water for less cost than a municipal authority requires to expand water supply and wastewater infrastructure). 7. Offer strategic proposal design services to companies in the business of providing energy, water, and pollution prevention services: show them how to structure their businesses in far more profitable ways (while avoiding getting bogged down in contract implementation / management minutiae); and take a percentage of the increased profit so generated. 8. Map where saved resources are to be found (e.g., identify where water and energy can be saved through efficiency improvements by mapping the relationship between present usage intensity and potential improvement, by individual parcel; and sell this information to resource agencies or efficient technology purveyors). 9. Help companies seeking efficiency services - that is, companies desiring radical improvements in efficiency, not just the common stuff - to find appropriate partners, and structure appropriate relationships, for achieving their goals. An example is to work with a forward-focused cruise ship line to retrofit their ships for extremely high energy efficiency (e.g.. improve efficiency of shipboard energy using devices and replace turbines with fuel cells), install wastewater treatment equipment, and invest in sufficient energy efficiency improvements elsewhere (perhaps in poorer countroes they call on) to reduce company-wide greenhouse gas emissions to zero. This should (1) save money aboard ships, (2) provide an edge over competitors in terms of relationships with countries called upon, and (3) gain support in the ecotourism market, to the extent such persons embark on cruise ships. This example is suggested only because of my experience investigating energy efficiency improvement opportunities aboard a modern Navy ship and finding them enormous. 10. Look for jobs with enough revenue to enable (1) attracting partners, to increase ability to provide better service; and (2) allow time “off” to nurture my creative side - time with my partner (after becoming “partnered!”), time in nature, and the possibility for sabbatical(s) in Italia. Possible Blocks Shoulds: Are you burdened by any shoulds in your life purpose search? I may be, and it is possible that these “shoulds” are so deeply engrained by this time (I just turned 52) that I am largely unaware of them. One sign is that although I enjoy, and am good at, technical analysis (such as in analyzing opportunities for energy efficiency improvements), I avoided following that line because I felt that technical work alone will not resolve sustainability issues. Without addressing at least the systemic economic structural issues that constrain the range of technical solutions, it seems we cannot respond adequately to the challenge of living within the means of nature (I of course do not mean to discount the psychological nor spiritual dimensions of this challenge). Consequently, I felt at some level it was tantamount to an abrogation of duty to amuse myself working strictly as an engineer. How could I be content, knowing this is likely an exercise in futility? Therefore I’ve been working to remove some of the institutional boundaries that limit the range of solutions that technical people might propose (to reduce the consumption of natural resources). Hmmm... good question, Jay. I see a bit of a red flag here. Insecurity: Are you insecure about your abilities in a way that is blocking you from sensing your life purpose? Yes, at times I am. Although I have had plenty of indications throughout my life of having a goodly share of skills to draw upon, I have been brought up short when I’ve felt totally pathetic and without foundation when meeting or in conversation with people my age who are at the peak of their careers (within the established order). They are highly successful in terms of financial measure and social status. When they are kind enough to ask what I do, I have nothing definitive to say - it is usually some incoherent story that I stumble through. The reaction this produces is, predictably, not exactly supportive. The truth is that I’m still searching for my life’s work, and am shamefully self-conscious that I am not yet able to gush out some passionate, exciting, pithy statement. Furthermore, my lifework is based upon values that are, on the surface, interesting to my wildly successful peers, but at a deeper level are threatening to the very symbols that identify their success. I am extremely sensitive to this juxtaposition, and have not yet learned how to handle this in a truthful and respectful manner. In such moments I feel like I am a world apart from the person I am speaking with, and have no idea how to manage the conversation. I may not have answered this question in the manner intended. Fear of Success: Are you avoiding knowing your life purpose because of a fear of success? I honestly believe I have nothing to fear on this account. I’d love to have something to say to my “successful” engineering peers - now assuming the top ranks in the profession - “See, if you guys had just focused on ecology, you could be here too!” While I tend to spread credit around to an unusual degree when things go well, I also enjoy reflecting on the role I played, and don’t need to hide. I killed myself to win bike races - not to gloat over others, but to do the best I could. Believe me, it felt great to stand atop the podium and bask in whatever glory there was. The other racers knew that bike races weren’t won by accident. This race - to achieve a meaningful, heart-directed life - is far more challenging than any bike race I’ve ever been in. I’d love to be asked to step on a podium again some day. Fear of Risk: Are you avoiding knowing your life purpose because of a fear of risk? No. I’ve made so many hard choices along the way that I know risk is not a factor. Way of Being in The World Being loving to all people - I aspire to this, but am far from this state. At times I notice anger, judgment, and falling into the trap of comparing my life to others - things that would not arise if I were being loving to all people. Being deeply attuned to the earth - not to the level of an indigenous person, or like my dear writer friend (who doesn’t know me) Terry Tempest Williams, but I am somewhat attuned and wouldn’t mind having time to become more so. Trusting my inner knowing - getting better at this Being courageous - in some ways yes; in other ways I hold back considerably Healing myself from childhood wounds - I’ve given no attention to this Moving toward spiritual realization - I attended many lectures given by Eknath Easwaren, founder of Ramagiri Ashram (Tomales, CA) and Nilgiri Press. He, his followers, and his books launched me on this path. My determination and devotion has faltered, though - I have not maintained the discipline necessary for this practice (centered on a meditation practice that involves silently repeating selected spiritual passages). Nevertheless, it is clear to me that it is in training the mind that we can approach the divine. As an “out” though, I recall a passage in the Bhagavad Gita that explains even if we somehow fail in our meditation, the practice of good work may still do the trick. I have no doubt that my ability to function usefully in the world will improve as I become more grounded in my life, and understand my place in the whole. I do not want to wait to find my career until I am healed at the soul level though - that will take more than this lifetime, at the rate I am going. On the other hand, I find that the more risk I take in stretching myself to an uncomfortable degree “in the world,” the more I am inspired to connect with nature, to understand choices at a psychological level, and to search for the divine. Perhaps this reflects a lack of self-discipline on my part - I’ve too often been prone to procrastination. Nevertheless, this "parallel processing" works for me. My attention throughout life has been attracted primarily by experiences in nature, and by people living authentic lives. All the rest is just a peneplain of background material. Throughout most of life I was not much more than an observer - background material in my own right - but one whose richest moments, of feeling alive, were when connected with some elemental flow, or when inspired by exemplary people. I was unavoidably attracted throughout my entire life more and more into this flow. Review of Life History as Path toward Life Purpose I was constantly bored when being socialized to take my place as a “grown up” in America - aside from doing chores with my Grandfather one week each summer, reading adventure books, running, or writing while scrunched between rocks at the ocean - there was little to hold my interest. Nothing seemed real until I found my way to the Sierra Nevada mountains - contrary to my father’s advice - for long walks. It was here that I met my greatest teacher - nature herself - and became aware of both the elegance of her perfection and the depth of human transgression. Of course, especially when living in northern California, I was not alone with such feelings. Over time I became aware of, met, and sometimes worked with leading figures: David Brower, Fritz Schumacher, Amory Lovins, etc. I attended early winter retreats of the Steering Committee for Sustainable Agriculture, the group that spawned California’s landmark Organic Foods Act. I met George Balas, leader of National Land for People, a key crusader to uphold the Reclamation Act of 1902. Awareness of his work (though later crushed by corporate power), and with timely advice from a Unitarian minister, I was able to shed my career as a water resources engineer. I did winter ski trips with biologists working with the Mono Lake Committee (whose work led to a “watershed” Supreme Court ruling in favor of protecting nature). The more I engaged with people working totally from their hearts, with pitiful compensation, the more I understood and believed the yearning I felt inside to follow a parallel direction. I wanted to work with my heart, but not as a martyr. I wanted to help dissolve the institutional barriers directed most people of my culture to participate, perhaps unconsciously, in the destruction of both nature and themselves. A lifetime of being engaged at various levels on natural resource issues in northern California inevitably gave me many contacts - my Congresswoman, Lynn Woolsey, whom I knew for years, the Executive Directors of numerous non profit organizations, local government officials: a network that provided indirect, if not direct access to many decision makers. Teachers and mentors - my parents, of course; Charles Gruner (my favorite grandfather), the Sierra (John Muir’s “Range of Light,” where it is impossible not to feel nature through every pore), Dennis Dingemans (a geographer, my major professor in graduate school), Amory Lovins (brilliant resource efficiency guru), Eknath Easwaren (a true guru), Tiffany Mitchell (very smart, follows the poets, and is gracefully filled with humility), and my full circle of acquaintances, all of whom are teachers in their own way. Few are able to be effective leaders across paradigms. I hardest lesson I have learned is not to share my perception as an ecologist about the severe destruction and social injustice that is occurring. I must go beyond a social critique to create a more attractive, and eventually healthful, means for employing people’s skills. This is contrary to the natural tendency of those who become aware of problems. This is also contrary to those who are primarily conscious of preserving their good image with those they might try to change - they sacrifice principle for image and sell pseudo solutions, delivered with glitter. This leads me to consult a new list of teachers (via their writings or speeches: Thich Nhat Hanh, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Mohandas Gandhi; or perhaps Terry Tempest Williams). Crises that have stimulated my growth are thus far nothing more spectacular than the desire to avoid a slow death of my soul. This once surfaced in a ride up the elevator in a San Francisco building to my job as a consulting engineer when a person I didn’t know voiced, to no one in particular, with great sadness, “Today is my 54th birthday, and I don’t know where all the years went.” His words went straight into me. There was nothing I liked about my job, even after trying for nearly three years to “make it work.” I realized in that moment that I had to free myself. I soon arranged a “retirement date” (allowing a few months to complete all outstanding work), immediately felt alive again, and never looked back. Previous situations when I was living my life purpose are times I when I was living in the present, without fear. These admittedly infrequent occasions include: · The summer of 1978, spent in the Sierra after extricating myself from the engineering job · 1987-89: a happy time spent primarily as a bike racer (20 hr/wk training commitment + weekends - or more - for races) and secondarily as an independent energy efficiency salesperson. I sold tens of millions of dollars of projects, on a part-time basis, because I believed in the work. Too bad the owners of the company I represented believed more in money and went to jail, but oh well... · when I suspend the clutter of too many obligations and focus all attention on one project for a few weeks - and almost always produce deeply satisfying results (e.g., when discovering energy efficiency opportunities on the Navy ship for Amory Lovins this year). · when collaborating fully with others where no one is holding back, and the combination is brilliant, honoring, and flowingly joyful. I also decided to return to New Mexico on Christmas to spend another week with my friend - she is part of my life purpose, and I realize as I contemplate LP Week 11, how can I find the strength and staying power to actually complete these "high purpose" things just being alone? Maslow's hierarchy of needs is sitting there in the background, saying you can't fool me. Current Situation I'm starting to make some breakthroughs on my water efficiency planning for the City of Petaluma - things that validate the concept that I actually have the ability to conceive natural resource protection schemes that transcend the norm. I've been dreaming about this stuff all my life, and now I can see an actual, possibly implementable, plan take shape under my direction. I also realize I couldn't have done this earlier - many things had to come together for this to happen, and I had to be hanging out in the right place to see and assemble those pieces. Career ideas to pursue or to experiment with further One month has passed since I prepared the career ideas. During this time, I’ve had breakthroughs with the municipal non-residential water efficiency program I’m working on that make me feel I’m on my life path. I feel like I’m emerging from the fog I’ve been in for the last 20+ years. Many of the complexities I’ve been puzzling over are suddenly beginning to resolve themselves, or at least come into focus in a meaningful way. Better yet, this project also satisfies most of Jay’s selection criteria. Although this project, at its surface, appears as only a water conservation program, it provides the opportunity for a citywide-shared experience of a development model that is more fulfilling and enduring than the familiar growth/resource usage lockstep. Designed to save ~400 times more water than the standard “Best Management Practice” that water agencies in California are slowly committing to, this will integrate political, economic, engineering and biological perspectives; and rely upon social networking to bring it to life. Whether or not I have the skill to pull this off remains to be seen. Regardless, I feel juice flowing again and I love it. As such opportunities are rare, I will stay with the flow. One thing learned as a bicycle racer is that whenever one thinks about racing, one isn’t (racing). One is either fully committed, or just an observer. “Going with the flow” in a bicycle race is necessary for participation, but insufficient to win. Winning requires skillful tactics, teamwork, and adroit opportunism. In the present sense of implementing whole system resource policies winning relates to the ability to successfully negotiate the minefield of veto points that threaten to reduce transformational potential to milquetoast incrementalism. My objective is to see this first water efficiency program through to implementation, then establish systems for continuously improving the model and replicating it elsewhere. Eventually I want to merge this water saving procedure with similar activities that affect other resource flows, ultimately to have a system to address the metabolism of entire cities. This requires being in a position to create or act on appropriate opportunities as they arise. Steps I will take to move toward this objective Become more familiar with the state of the art practice in the “industry” begin (e.g., participate in two national conferences in 2002 sponsored by national water organizations) · Complete design of prototype program for the City of Petaluma, and gain approval, with funding, by the City Council in 2002. · Involve, at some level, a “Dream Team” of advisors for this water efficiency program with the objective of establishing a bridge between the Old School of water conservation (e.g., American Water Works Association, and leading engineering firms) and the New (e.g., U.S. Society for Ecological Economics, The Natural Step, Rocky Mountain Institute). · Work with respected Non Governmental Organizations to attract support needed to improve and replicate the Program (e.g., The Bay Institute of San Francisco, International Council for Local Environmental Initiatives). The objectives of continuous improvement and replication suggest the opportunity to create a portfolio of support services: the financial assets sufficient to support the heart and brain trust at the core. These services will activate a learning network of resource efficiency solutions that tap the energy of cultural creatives and provide support with technology, utility and resource economics, state level policy representation, and a proven implementation system. Attention will be given during 2002/3 to precisely define marketable support services. Finally, I want to work as part of a team having complementary skill sets and a coherent vision. I also want to be able to regularly enjoy “turtle time” in nature, and professional sabbaticals. I believe it is far more likely to achieve this within a business structure than as a solitary consultant. How will this feel? To the extent I have any success helping to redirect the attention of leaders in our political economy toward creating a sustainable society, I will be thrilled. It will also be deeply satisfying to be part of a group renowned for path-breaking service, instead of being dismissed as a lone extremist. |
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Life Purpose
Coaching Jay Earley, PhD 415-339-8060 jay@LifePurposeCoaching.com |